This is a collection of my pictures with some of my best friends. The song is Fascination by Alphabeat.

Men's problems?

Seems like a legitimate question......
But as a semester and a relationship draw to a close, I can't help but wonder, is it really them? I mean over the years the guys come and go, but the common thread between the college boys, lawyers, computer gamers, teachers, water polo players doesn't seem to be them... it seems to be us. Could it really be the woman's fault?

One of my favorite videos and songs ever!

Well it's true. The time has come for me to turn 26, and all I can think is..... "I actually have to get older than this???" Certain birthdays are fun; 16 you get to drive, 18 you get to be an "adult" and buy lotto tickets and other "adult things", 20 you can finally say you are no longer a teenager, and 21 you can drink legally. Heck, even at 25 you can say you are a quarter of a century old (joy). But once you hit 26, it seems to be a slow downhill slide to old. You are closer to 30 than 20. You can't get away with doing stupid things, because not only should you know better, you do. 26 becomes this wake up call to get your life together, especially for those of us living in the silicon valley, where housing prices are so high, we will be either living at home, or renting until we can inherit a house, or marry rich. Things start looming in your life screaming "Pay attention to me! Take care of me!" All of a sudden there are bills you have to pay that you didn't even know existed when you were 18. Doctor's visits become a little more scary. The biological clock starts ticking (and I'm not even talking about having kids). So really, as 26 approaches, what should a 26 look like? Is that all there is?

Poem

I am invisible, but I show
I am burned out lamp that still does glow
I am used but still brand new
I am a mystery without a clue
I am false but true as well
I am in heaven but live in hell
I am me but also you
I am deaf but I can hear
I am afraid, but with you there is no fear

A fantastic start

Since I am now an official blogger, I figure I'll start out lazy and post up some of my favorite poems.... most wrote in major mental anguish and bad relationships. but oh well... here they go



why do we subject ourselves to this pain
why are we so eager to experience loss
Everythings a movie
until we face reality
until we see for real
and see our lives for the shit they are
confusion, hate, agression
pain, heartache, these all come
we open our lives and heart
OPEN THE FLOODGATES!!
love??? is it really
i'm tempted, tortured helpless
you hold me captive
i can't escape no matter what
i try
I'M NOT A CHILD
i'm strong and able
you see me as week and needy
how can i make you see
i love so i hurt
contiuously
you do nothing
you say you wanna help
BULLSHIT
friends are the only solution
love will never be the answer
all there is is pain
BROKEN AND WEARY
i can't take this shit
i'm at the end of my rope
NO I'M FINE!
i'm not dumb
suicide is not the answer
i know that
do you believe me
do you take me seriously
SO BE ALONE!
but throw me a line
i can't stab in the dark
i'll hurt someone else
i need protection
FROM YOU
i've never hurt so much
nothing has stopped
STOPPED
my life like this
I'M HELPLESS I HAVE NO POWER
LET ME GO LET ME FLY
MAKE A CHOICE AND EMBRACE ME
OR LET ME SINK OR SWIM
by myself....
alone again
alone
content
alone


And one a little happier

Long long ago
back when the world was young
the air was filled with sweet perfume
words first danced upon my tongue
i was innocent as the day
and braver than can be
i had no performance to put on, no mask, only me
As i frolicked and i played the day fled into night
but no fear of Darkness did i have
when i held my pillow tight
Days crept into weeks
and weeks turned into years
but when i thought my dreams would come
All i could find was tears
But braver still i became
and braver still I AM
Never will i misplace my heart
within a spiteful man
But little girl do not fear
Put on a smile
Because even thought times will be rough
They'll be over in a while
Enjoy these years while they last
Enjoy life as it comes
and take the pain with the joy
for life is filled with some
The world will seem to spite
and hate your every move
And then you'll meet your kindred love
Your heart forever to soar

A journey begins

As this semester at SJSU starts I find myself having to write a blog for the first time ever. I've never been one to write down feelings or thoughts that much.... I never even wrote in a diary when I was little. But since I actually have to write, I thought I would have a bit of fun with it.